#sorry. rewatched this ep the other night its been on my mind

[birdricks]

this shit makes me want to die

[absolutebl]

These Weeks in BL - This Is Very Late, Or Right on Time depending on where you sit on the temporal debate team

Sorry I got distracted by work. In my defense: I was paid.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 1 & 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 12 fin - Unfortunately, there was singing. But what can we do?

A soft charming warm hug of a show about crushes and mind reading and self worth, with no-fuss execution from a consummate team and an OG lead pair proving why they remain eternal and deserve to grow up. Look, here’s the thing, Cherry Magic is a great Thai BL in its own right not comparing it to any other iteration. But even when I do compare (and I've seen all the Cherries and read the manga) it still stands. This is a great show, a solid adaptation, and a pleasing take on the original yaoi. I personally like it better than the Japanese live action, but I think that’s because I just really like Thai BL and I LOVE TayNew. I doubted them for this and I shouldn’t have. They did a great job, as did the sides. I will say all the kissing was both present and better than any other iteration. As it should be. Definitely one for the rewatch rotation. 9/10 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 1 of 8 (10?) - Damn it, I love it. And I don't want to. It’s more classic BL than I thought it would be, and far less Only Friends or Playboyy. (Thank fuck.) We got a big cast and a lot of tropes going down out the gate, including SMITTEN popular hot guy versus nerd with secret identity. (Incidentally, Khem did drop into rude / informal when arguing with his Aunt and defending his ma. Bratty boy.) The leads have good chemistry (First always does), and everyone is very pretty. The main boy reminds me of J-Min's role (and look) in Love Class 2. I am entertained. (And faintly wonder why this isn't a MosBank vehicle.)

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) eps 1-3 of 8- High school sweethearts who had a bad break up reunite a decade later when both of them have full time jobs (celebrity & doctor). Dr Ji is a familiar face (hi Dream it's been a LONG time) and everyone is way too old for high school, but I guess I prefer this to child actors?

I'm enjoying it, actually, the cast may be older but they're solid as a result and the chemistry is on point for a pulp. Whether our celebrity is on the DL or cheating or something else remains to be seen but he sure is smitten. The way he LOOKS at Ji = hawt.

Frankly? Celebrity/doctor is a good pairing and this is a solid Thai BL. I hope we have a nice angsty reason for the break-up and we're not in another Promise situation. I like the sides too. Carry on, little show, I'm disposed to be pleased with you.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 12 - I am enjoying it, actually. It’s incredibly silly. But I don’t really mind. STOP SINGING. 

1000 Years Old eps 3-4 of 12 - I love that these kids basically adopted a vampire pet. And one of them accidentally got a vampire boyfriend. This suddenly turned from a PNR into a family drama about domestic gays opening a food stall and I'm not mad about it. Nothing makes sense and I don't care because... rainbow umbrella!

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV grey) eps 1 of 10 - I don’t love it. I make no bones about the fact that a pining uke rarely works for me, especially if he’s younger (cute supportive besties not withstanding), the power dynamic isn’t good. I always like Kimmon, he’s a stiff actor but v pretty. (I shallow af.) Still it’s time he started acting his age… literally. Having to watch ads again as well… for this? Ooof. I'm not sure I'm strong enough.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 fin - It was very cute. I liked that there was uke instigated kisses. However I have some reservations on this one, much as I enjoyed it.

Adapted from Mayo Tsurakame’s manga, production team included Tadaaki Horai (My Love Mix-Up!) and Takeshi Miyamoto (Old Fashion Cupcake). Essentially Perfect Propose was about finding hope in a person when all other hope is gone. This show focuses on apathy, and perforce is somewhat apathetic and un-engaging especially as the pacing was off (and with only 6 episodes? now) However, this is countered by great visuals, good archetypes, and a clean story of childhood sweethearts reuniting after loosing their way in life. I landed on 8/10 mostly for a demanding younger seme and some great kisses. 

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube) eps 2-3 of 11 - Oh it’s great. I love it. I’m still worried by how gritty and "Taiwanese short-esk" it feels, but wow does this hit all my favorite taboo tropes and buttons. I also adore the little found fam, they the cutest gay older bros ever. The younger one who wants so bad to grow up and take care of the older one and pushes himself because into self sacrifice that’s the only model of love he has. ARGH. BOYS. Why so much pain, just smooch already! Sheesh. It's on YouTube for some of us, here's the schedule.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) eps 6-7 of 10 - They remain questionably cute, and that is probably going to be my ultimate review of this show. Awe cameo! (Hi babies, hope the ghosts are leaving you alone.) The irony does not escape me that the person in the relationship with the most emotional acumen is, in fact, the robot and not the human. I'm sure that's meant to be deep.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 6 - A tortured second chance romance featuring a reported and a successful celebrity(?) academic. The kid actors look nothing like their adult counterparts, but they do look much younger. So, okay. Ah the utter embarrassment of first love. Oh I like it a lot, so very messy Japanese emo. Sigh. Here we go again.

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 8-9 of 10 - They are a cute couple. They both trying so hard and so confused and awkward and polite in trying to understand each other but TERRIBLE at communication. 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - I don’t know how I feel about this. But I do know it’s not my thing because it’s not BL. I’ll finish it because it’s short but… meh. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I have no time

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master (Vietnam YouTube) - I will try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will watch eventually.

It's airing but...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - finished it's run and I won't be watching it. It's horror with BL elements and the ending, well, let's just say that's a "no thank you" from me.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… no. I'm not watching this. I dislike this franchise.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Takumi-kun (2023) movie version AKA Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa released on FOD 3/5/2024. The original project was a 6 ep series. Having seen all the previous iterations and read the (terrible) yaoi I admit to being intrigued. If anyone finds eng subbed please let me know with a link in comments or in a DM? For those intersted in this show, probably the world's first true BL franchise I chat all about it here.

Gossip

James Supamongkon has withdrawn from the series Love Upon A Time and the NetJames pair is no more. Net Siraphop will continue with the historical BL project alongside a new partner. Can I interest you in Tod Techit... almost as pretty, legs for days...

The Complete Chronology of the Assault Case Against GMMTV Actor Win Pawin

I'm merely directing your attention to these articles, I do not wish for discussion of this content on this blog. Please don't ask for further info, I don't know the answer, follow the link that's why it's there.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still Coming

3/21 Two Worlds (Thai IQIYI) 10 eps - announced here. One of those "he's dead Jim so time travel" thingames staring MaxNat. I'm over them but Asia flipping loves this trope and I do adore MaxNat. Phupha (Gun) and Khram (Nat) love each other but Phupha is murdered. Then Khram is pulled to a parallel world where, 12 years ago, Khram and Tai (Max) were in love. However, Khram was killed by Thai’s dad. Now Tai finds alter-Khram apparently alive. But then there is ALSO an alter-Phupha (played by Gun Thanawat who is Khom the repressed butler bodyguard from Unforgotten Night).

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

How flipping adorable is this vampire with his big gay umbrella? SUCH A DORK and we got more vampire dorks coming.

Thailand has found its vampire line and it's awkward and geeky and quite cheerful. 'Bout what we expected, to be fair. It's a good look for them.

And vampires.

In other news...

That's your random moment of thirst, Lim Jimin shirtless AKA my Just B bias (I mean, I could talk about how good his extensions are and how I love a husky voice in Kpop but really, just LOOK at him). I'm very very very shallow, remember? Full vid is here.

Why am I mentioning Lim Jimin (aside from the obvious)? If Just B doesn't break soon, I could some of them transitioning to BL. Jimin in particular would be a win for us, obvs.

Also, can we talk about Bain (my bias wrecker) KILLING it on Build Up? I had no idea he was that good. Anygay, this has been your Kpop end note.

Seriously tho, is ANYONE else watching Build-Up?

(Last week - well, 2 weeks ago)

Streaming services are listed how I'm (usually watching) which is with a USA based IP

The tag bragade: @doorajar

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will. Easy peesy.

[wolffnichols]

ADJSJS BUCKS “ IM FINE IM NOT THE ONE WHO GOT SHOT”

LIKE SIR

SURE IT WASNT YOU WHO GOT SHOT BUT IT WAS UR HUSBAND UR ALLOWED TO NOT BE OKAY

OH GOD NO BUCK DONT THROW YOURSELF INTO DANGER JUST CAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT HOW SCARED YOU ARE

NO WAIT IS THAT THE SNIPER

BUCK HOW CAN YOU JUST SEE THAT AND NOT TELL ANYONE

OH MY GOD NO HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED

IM CRYING

ikr??? Buck not being okay AT ALL to the point where he blames himself so much that he thinks it would've been best if it was him instead of Eddie and he wanted to get shot by the sniper. I just alsjsjshehehe Buck bby let me hug you.

WAIT NO TAYLOR WTF

WHYD YOU KISS HIM HIS HUSBANDS IN THE HOSPITAL

SHDJSNS NOW SHES LEAVING

YAY EDDIE'S AWAKE

'his husbands in the hospital' alajsjsh 😂😅 and seriously! Like Taylor I get this is an emotional time and Buck could've gotten shot again but now is not the time to kiss Buck. I'm still not over the timing of Eddie waking up right when Taylor kissed him. Eddie's Jealous Ho senses were tingling and had to wake up immediately and talk to the Buck 😂😂

yo wait i just realized this is the first time i’ve seen ana since he got shot kinda sus how the “love interest” has been absent 👀

Very sus indeed. Like Ana said one line this entire episode. Hell we didn't even see Eddie wake up to her or her reaction to him getting shot (both of which we saw with Ali when Buck's leg got crushed). All we saw was her sitting at Eddie's bedside one time, then when Buck arrives, she literally stepped aside so that Buck and Eddie can fully see each other and reunite (I'm sensing a symbolism here). My sister described her as an ornament and she basically was. Interesting how the love interest is a bg character that doesn't have one-on-one moments with Eddie while Buck's entire arc this ep was pretty much what usually a love interest's role is when something like this happens 👀🤔

OH MY GID NO BOBBY

BOBBY GOT SHOT

I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

Bobby getting hurt too was so hard. But I just LOVED how Buck and Athena worked together (along with everyone else) to save Bobby. Mother and son working together to go save the dad. AND WHEN ATHENA LITERALLY WALKED THROUGH FIRE. Aksjshsjsj these two are SUCH goals I swear.

OH MY GOD MADDIE MY LOVE

IM SO WORRIED ABOUT HER

I know my poor Maddie. But I'm so freaking happy that she asked for help. That scene and this entire sl in general is so incredibly important. This is a giant step in a better direction for her and I'm so yet again so freaking glad that she has Chimney in her life. Hope things get better for them.

OH MY GOD ITS THIS SCENE

OH MY GOD THE WAY THEY TRUST EACH OTHER

“ NO ONE WILL EVER FIGHT FOR MY SON AS HARD AS YOU”

IM SCREAMING

“YOU ACT LIKE YOURE EXPENDABLE BUT YOURE WRONG”

I'M SCREAMING RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. It's officially been a week (crying about it) and I'm STILL screaming about this scene. Will I ever stop? Absolutely not. The way they trust each other indeed. Like good luck Ana and Taylor or anyone else who wants to date them bc Buck and Eddie sure as hell aren't gonna trust anyone more than they trust each other, which includes their SO's. Can't wait for them to realize what's wrong with this picture and actually do something about it. But yeah this scene will forever make me feral I can't even. (It's like the emotional version of The Kitchen Scene™ if tho that one had emotional moments but still).

OH MY GOD AND HEN AND KAREN SEEING NIA AND HER MOM

THE PICNIC

listen I am SOOO freaking happy that we saw Nia again and her being happy but still remembering Hen and Karen and Denny. And then her mom.thanking them. And the picnic asdfghjkllsha. I cried ngl.

THE WELCOME HOME PARTY

Ah the welcome home party. Where we see Eddie reunite with his everyone, but especially Christopher as the camera focuses on the father and son and then pans to Buck smiling brightly at them. Like they're girlfriends are literally RIGHT THERE and yet we focus on the Buckley Diaz family. Ajajsssksjsh. That entire moment warmed my heart.

WAIT OH MY GOD ALBERTS A FIREFIGHTER

"FIREFIGHTER HAN"

AGDJAKMSKSJ

right??? like earlier this episode when Albert picked up Hen's phone my mind immediately went "hmmm I wonder if Albert will be a firefighter next season" but then I completely forgot about that thought and then that ending scene came I aksjsjshssksjs I was so freaking happy I can't even (also Ravi the Probie was there in that scene which made me really happy bc I really love him). Seeing the 118 firefam being there to support Firefighter Albert just alwjakajshshshs *clenches heart*

OH MY GOD AND THE SUPPORT NOTICE FOR PEOPLE WITH POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

THIS SHOW REALLY IS DOING A LOT TO BRING ATTENTION TO LOTS OF SERIOUS THINGS AND THAT IS SO AMAZING

I know right?? ngl I'm in awe with how many important and serious things they bring up that need to be talked about. Especially something like Postpartum which is incredibly important to talk about and show but rarely is. Along with everything else they talk about which is either rarely shown or not at all (like Hen's story with the medical racism and prejudices or the conversation that Athena and Hen had about that missing girl). One of the many, many reasons why Iove this show so damn much.

IM CRYING WHY IS IT OVER

I'M CRYING RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. Tonight was the first night without a new episode and I'm a mess. idk how I'm gonna handle this summer hiatus until s5. I'm probably gonna do a rewatch lol.

Anyways, sorry this is late and I hope it's okay that I put the rest of the asks together. But I'm freaking glad you finished the show and loved it so much too! It truly is *chef's kiss*

[thedogsled]

You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.

If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D

So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…

(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)

There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today. 

But the show I keep coming back to is due South.

This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:

Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)

Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.

I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.

Like this:

Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)

So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”

All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today.  It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers. 

tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.

Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.

So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more). 

Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.

It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext. 

This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else. 

In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.

All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.

And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.

I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.

And sign off with half a dozen gifs.

Eye fucking:

Conversations in closets and bathrooms:

Going down with the ship

Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken

His hobbies humiliate me in public

“Do you find me attractive?”

Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex

This whole ep with original Ray:

And his wolf approving of both

Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.

[starbuck09256]

A picture in the sand

Episode Fic

Unruhe

Pictures in the Sand

Author: @starbuck09256

For: Kasey Slippin Mickeys

Rating: Teen (I did use the f word not sorry)

First a huge Shot Out to @gaycrouton for putting this goodie together. Girl you are fantastic. I can’t wait to read your fic and everyone else's! 

My prompt was Unruhe and that it should take place in Traverse City with another woman goes missing. I followed it mostly. I rewatched the episode about 9 times, which isn’t bad I like the ep anyway. Here is my angsty (as requested) interpretation.

Not gonna lie, I’m really terrible at procrastinating so this is very much not Beta’d I apologize for spelling and grammar errors. Just happy to barely make the deadline. 

6am Dana Scully's Apartment

She wheels her suitcase next to the end table. Not paying attention she swings it to far and the picture frame on top falls and shatters to the newly stained wood flooring. “Shit” Scully mutters before moving her suitcase to find all the shards of broken glass. She picks up the frame staring at a picture of her and Melissa at a family picnic at the beach from a few years ago. Melissa’s glowing smile staring back at her, she traces the pattern of Melissa’s dress remembering Melissa spinning them around in the sand, letting the tiny pebbles crush against their toes. Like they used to do in San Diego.  Melissa had been galavanting around the world and had just gotten back her smile to be with family, the lightest Dana had seen her in the last few years.  Scully thought it was just because Melissa had finally gone to all the places she talked about endlessly in the dark confines of their shared room. Scully sighs, she remembers that dress Melissa wore in a different context too, one where she is helping their mom pack it away in a donation bin. Melissa so much taller than Scully, it didn’t make sense for Scully to keep it in the back of her closet as a reminder of the women who embodied the bright color and flowy design. The picture inside the jagged frame not scratched and torn right on the side of Melissa dress. The irony isn’t lost as she sits there on the floor where Melissa bled out in between the wood slates a bullet meant for Scully, a life meant for Melissa. She can’t help feeling that the last two years have been so unfair, she is no closer to justice for her sister, no closer to finding the answers of where Duane Berry took her. Now as the nightmares have increased she thinks of the women in Allentown all dying slowly, she wonders if she is next in line. If this picture of her and her sister will find its home on her moms mantle along with catholic candles that flicker in and out of all the lives tragically cut short by senseless violence. Scully presses the picture into the front pouch of her suitcase. Vowing to find a new frame to hold the precious photo right when she gets back from their new case in Michigan. 

She’s only been to Michigan a couple of times. The only real fact about the state that she loved is no matter where you are you are within 7 miles of water. The water calls to her, always has, from years of watching her father navigate it’s depths to summers spent at camps with giant lakes that at night made you feel like you might as well be in the middle of the ocean.  She remembers briefly staying once and seeing the shores of the great lake as it extended out for miles. From her seat at the window she looks out to the expanse of trees and meadows the clouds just above the horizon. Mulder shifts against her. His head resting in her lap on his coat. It’s been a weird few months between bounty hunters and his moms stroke he is more restless than normal. The case brought to them because of the weird photo of a girl seemingly screaming into the camera. Mulder ever elusive with his information he likes to dangle clues and hints to her but never the full story. It use to be fun, this game they play him trying to get her to open her mind to the fantastic to make connections and leaps with scraps of information. Now though it just gets on her nerves. Why not just tell her the facts? Does he think she is so closed minded that she will refuse to go? She wants to refuse. Start standing up for herself more, part of her is tired of seeing these women taken, beaten, lives destroyed in the end does it even matter the how? Is the why so important? What about stopping it? Lately she feels like they are only there for the aftermath, taken to a point so far outside of plausible. She’s getting tired of being taken herself. He mumbles in his sleep and shifts closer to her. That’s the real problem she thinks, how close they are and yet not at all. While they spend endless hours together, eating, sleeping in crappy motel rooms, driving miles and miles of road and for what? to be put in danger constantly?

The larger part of her though finds it still so thrilling. The challenge the way his eyes light up when he gets a new case and they go back and forth it's why he dangles clues and hints. He loves seeing her mind work, and in truth she loves the challenge.  She looks at the photo again, the edging is distorted the colors blending together. She isn’t sure how you would capture an image like this, how the abductor took such a photo. She presses her finger down on the edge looking at the long lines on the side, a face to the far right what is that? A reflection? She wonders what the image is trying to say. She thinks of the photos of her and Melissa torn and stuffed into her roller bag under the seat. She thinks back to all the photos she has taken over the years the others that grace her mantel in tiny rows. Her brothers photo with his new wife how he blames her openly for Melissa's death. As if she didn't already blame herself. She thinks of those women in Allentown how they said they are all dying, the photos they showed her of others like them that have passed on. She has an appointment in 3 months for more scans. She joined the mufon group and has been getting emails of members passing away one by one. Leaving children and husbands behind. She would only leave behind sad plants and half finished articles for medical journals and Mulder. How would he do with a new partner, she thinks back to Jerry whom he just described as a colleague. Is that all she would be to him in the end? A colleague a good friend? There have been moments when she thought they would be more. Melissa certainly thought they would be. Melissa's’ constant insistence that Mulder was the compliment to Scully's stubborn soul. Scully wonders if this is going to be the end will he be her last? She's never missed having a lover. But lately she wishes her bed wasn't so lonely. Now as Melissa has pointed out she has in fact put everything and everyone on hold for this search of theirs, to find answers for him and now for her. In the past she has found men who are obsessed with things it seems. The latest one resting in her lap. She swallows hard, sleeping with Mulder would be a terrible idea, but if there weren't consequences because she would be gone in a few months? She tries to clear her conscience about it all, her recent scans were fine but the emails of more and more members with the same type of cancer in exactly the same spot are more than scaring her. Mulder is scared too, she now stops mentioning when another one has been laid to rest. She’s seen his fear shining into her eyes when she gets even a cold. Imagine what cancer from a lover would do to the man?  She would never do that to him. If the dedication he has for his annoyingly little sister is anything. The rabbit hole he would fall down if they were more and she was taken by the disease from her abduction would kill him. 

She thinks about her mother and father, how after his death the strong capable of anything Margaret Scully faltered. At first her mom said she could pretend for a few minutes in the morning that he was still at sea, that his smile would grace her eyes soon as he would sweep her into a deep hug that warmed her bones. Then she would remember, remember that time was short. Missy's death certainly didn't help. Losing a child is something that no parent should ever bare. She had asked Dana to give her antidepressants, and while it scared Scully to the core it renewed her mother's faith in God. That that was the only way she could keep going, knowing that her Ahab would be there waiting for a life eternal and her sweet daughter's spirit would be free. But Melissa's death had done the opposite for Scully, she has scene so much injustice so many things that make her doubt God's word that now she has become skeptical and even cynical  in so many ways. Mulder has seen it in her and while she wears her cross everyday part of it is just because it reminds her of Melissa. It reminds her to try and fight. She will fight till the bitter end. Even if that is sooner than she wants to believe. Mulder shifts slightly again and she moves the picture through her fingers. Tries to put that skepticalness to the side. Tries to think like Mulder would. Why would the killer leave it at the scene? How did he get it beforehand? Was he stalking her? She taps on the photo again and moves back to the case file, shifting just slightly careful to not disturb Mulder. 

She reads the report over and over until her eyes want to water at the dry dead air of the cabin. The sun is seeping through the light onto Mulders hair now, his features almost boyish in sleep. She is usually the one sleeping against him even if flying isn’t her favorite thing. She squirms in her seat a bit wishing secretly that Mulder would wake up so she can lay against his shoulder and catch a few minutes of sleep herself. She moves her hand, fingers brushing through his hair. She knows he doesn’t mind, though he still teases her a little when she does it in doctor mode. She sees his small smile and he starts to move. She gives him a soft smile back as he rubs his eyes looking at her with the translucent clouds shading the sun as it shines dimly on her hair. He reaches up and touches her cheek to sweep a stray strand off her face. “Your turn” it’s almost a whisper. She smiles gratefully as he moves and positions his jacket against his shoulder for her to rest against. She sighs as she snuggles into the warm fabric. Mulder pulls the shade down against the morning dawn as they continue to soar through the air. 

2 hours later

She wakes dimly to the voice of the captain letting them know they are starting their dissent into Grand Rapids. Traverse city looms another 2 hours away along the lake coast. It’s interesting the rules they have made through the years. They never discuss a case on a flight and so that time has been devoted to them reading books sometimes playing cards. Arguing over which mythical creature is the most likely to exist. Or more often than not it’s like this morning's flight snuggled against each other asleep. She hears Mulders soft snores against her head. The last few months she has been more worried about his sleeping habits especially after she told him what she found in Allentown. More often he comes in with dark circles and the extra coffee through the day has not gone unnoticed. She can’t complain though, because despite all of this he still is there in the morning to greet her, with a steaming cup to chase away her own night terrors. Places like planes offer a few moments of peace that the other one is safe, and that they are together. She tries not to analyze it too much. Tries to rationalize the fact that they have been through some truly horrible things and are bound to have some strong ptsd and codependency issues. She doesn’t want to love him that way. She likes them just being friends. She wants a bit more out of life, especially if there is less available to her, seeing all of these things over the years she is wondering what she is really fighting for anymore if not for Melissa maybe she would have already left. Is it to be flying off to save women from abductions? Is she trying to find validity in her choice to prove to herself that giving up medicine to become an FBI agent was really the best decision? Is she now leading herself down a path to have another Jack or even worse another Daniel? 

She knows that Mulder is in love with her. She knows that he has become just as dependent on her as she has on him. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want a world where the two of them can only exist with the other. She has become consumed by this quest of his and paid so dearly, and now here they are chasing a lead on a case they really have no business on. She knows that it’s about the picture. He sees something or knows something she doesn’t. She’ll have to wait for the drive into town to find out.

As they reach the drugstore she is lost in the sea that is the investigation, while she looks at expired film heating beneath it parts of the edging make sense, if the film is expired and the heat has distorted the edges. But the screaming that is odd, when she points these things out to Mulder he finally explains his theory. She sees a photo booth in the drugstore small and yet she wonders if the film has been tampered here too. Mulder must think something similar as he grabs her hand just as she finishes her questions to the owner.  “This film shouldn’t have the same distortion if my theory is correct.” he mutters pulling her into the small intimate photo booth. She sighs “Mulder,” she starts but he pulls her down and she is sitting right next to him and he’s smiling and pointing to the camera. She gives him the look, the one that shows she is not amused, but he wraps his arm around her leans forward to start the series of 5 photographs of them. He tries to do bunny ears and the camera catches her laughing at it. She sticks out her tongue in the next and so does he.  The third picture is just them stern and serious. The fourth a soft smile from both of them. The fifth begins to click and he makes a kissy face and her grin lights up the tiny booth. Its short lived and while she thinks the exercise is pointless the film proves to be unaffected. She waits for Mulder to throw the pictures away but he doesn’t he pulls out his wallet and tucks them in with a 20 dollar bill and 2 ones. She shakes her head, he asks the owner if they can take a few more photos with the same film. “I think the picture is the key to this Scully,” he leaves and she follows him out. 

They drive to the girls house, pictures on the fridge of a normal couple. Lost in moments together, traveling, and laughing. She wonders if they will find this girl alive, if these will be the last time she smiles. She thinks of moments when her and Mulder where sure that it was the end. She thinks of the pictures of them in his wallet. What a stranger would think. What she thinks of this closeness that has grown between them. 

He takes the camera “Watch out scully it’s loaded,” and he points it right at her but the picture that comes out is of the girl distorted again and she looks up at him confused. He starts to tell her more about his growing theory, how these pictures are the key  Psychic photography. She hates this, she hates looking at cases and having him come up with something so crazy she has to try and wrap her mind around it. She always gives him the benefit of the doubt listens to his theories, but sometimes she just wants a simple explanation. Maybe she is just burned out. It happens to everyone with all the things that have happened to them she hasn’t had a chance to take a break. She wants to talk about this more but as always he is already getting ready to leave. “He was here I think he stalked her.” As they step out into the bright sunshine her phone starts to ring, letting them know that Mary has been found wandering and disoriented.  

At the hospital Scully is faced with looking in the hollow eyes of the woman on the fridge, one that won’t be smiling again as pain and inevitable death beacon her near. The scans don’t lie, Mary is facing a very difficult road of recovery if that is even possible. As Scully stares at the scans as Mulder goes to grab them something resembling coffee she thinks of Betsy in Allentown, about those women with tumors at the same spot as Marys unfortunate lobotomy. Mulder has sense Scully's distance and luckily has chosen to back off, leaving her with the time she needs to figure things out. Scully is deep in thought when Mulder returns he sets down the coffee letting the steam rise up and wafted into her nose. It’s a beautiful smell coffee, seems the fine people of Traverse City understand its importance. Mulder touches her shoulder gently a sad smile across his lips as he stars at the scans once more. Just as the uniform officer comes in and tells them another woman has been taken. Anger boils through Scully, whomever this guy is he has no idea what he is doing and unless they find him soon she is afraid of another poor woman facing the same fate. Mulder throws the rental keys to her knowing that right now he needs time to look over the details from the officer, starting working up a profile right away. Precious time is ticking fast as she presses her foot down on the pedal. This is her strength driving fast and a little more reckless than Mulder ever has. It annoys him, how much she speeds and whips into places. It’s why he drives most of the time in reality. Because she got tired of hearing him complain about her going to fast, but time is of the essence.  They are following a patrol car the blue and red lights flash into the fading sun. As they race around the corner. Mulder finally looks up at her his voice catches in his throat. “Mary will never be the same will she?” Scully shakes her head in sadness. “We need to find this person, and fast” She nods and throws the car into park, throwing her seatbelt off dashing to the scene. They need a clue, a hint, and hopefully something more than a screaming girl in a fucking polariod.  

Just as they get there they realize that the rush wasn’t necessary, Scully needs to review the file as Mulder heads right inside to assist.  Another man dead another woman taken and nothing to go on. Mulder doesn’t find any cameras or film, in the car as he was thinking through the profile he wonders about the word Unruhe, a place? A thing? A person? It sounds like it’s a word. He asks one of the officers to use the computer quickly typing the word into a search box as he continues shuffling through 1040s and spreadsheets. Scully walks in the file in her hand, a killer like this she thinks might have been there might have been at the scene. As they argue again over the photograph she feels the frustration of the day, of the inevitable failure that might await them if they can’t find something quickly.  Mulder is ready to head back to Washington, to find the clues that have eluded them so that she can save the next victim. Both of them know that time is limited and Alice doesn’t have long, while she thinks him going back to Washington is a mistake, it’s really not that long of a flight and the bureau does have some fantastic resources. She sighs hangs her head and works her connection. It seems that for them, when they go their separate ways they form a complete picture in the end. 

 She watches as he races out leaving her the keys to the rental car as he hitches a ride back again. She works through the evening and well into the night in a small motel with a view of Grand Traverse Bay on Lake Michigan. She opens the window and listens to the water softly kissing the sand while the moonlight shines off the lakes black opals and into the darkness. Mulder calls her lets her know his planes has landed and he has been able to get a forensic photographer to help him first thing in the morning. She lets him know that Mary Lefont died and she fears that the same will be true for Alice if the construction owner has hired men off the books. Mulder sighs, “You caught that Scully, you found us a tangible lead as soon as I find something out with this photo I’ll call you it should help you refine it” She hums in response right now she is looking at a list of 300 people in the apartments next to the latest abduction. She sighs and says she is tired before hanging up. She knows that sleep will be hard fought tonight, it’s already almost 3am. She walks out of the hotel towards the Bay listens to the waves as they crash against the shore with a dullness. While the stars shine brightly out beyond the black depths of the lake she thinks of Mary, about those pictures of her smiling in those photos on the fridge. Her toes are in the rough sand from the lake, not like the sand that she and Melissa danced to in the photo. She wonders of Alice's family will have similar photos on their mantel of another woman taken in her 30s. She hopes that the station can pull up something on the construction workers, they need this lead. Regardless of the success Mulder thinks he will find she needs the tangible investigative skills of the mortal realm. She walks back to her room, letting the moonlight chase her form across the soft swirls of the water. She falling into a lifeless deep sleep while the dull ticking of Alice's life lingers in the background. 

In the morning after she wrestles Gerry to the ground. She thinks back about the pictures she has of Ahab of the two of them at her medical school graduation, her white coat and his proud smile. She wonders after all the terrible things that have happened to her would he still be so proud? Or would his smile have dimmed like that glossy paper it was printed on. Would her own eyes shine as brightly as they did that day ever again? Or had the 3 months she missed, the sister she mourned be evident through the lense. She knew the risks was aware of the horror she would face. Lately she feels as if she is facing a far more looming nightmare. Another birthday another lonely night with no prospects of changing. Mulder and her might be pushing that line in the sand between acceptable partnerly behavior but it’s a not a road she is ready to take, nor is she sure she wants too. She loves him, she knows this after so many dangerous situations, hours and days spent together how could she not. She thinks of the other pictures she knows he keeps in his wallet. The one of him and Sam, sometimes she thinks she still sees that young innocent kid staring back at her. His devilish grin when he shows her the fantastic. The way his face lights up just a little when she pulls out his favorite sunflower seeds when he was sure they were out. Does he see it in her? Does he see the young agent who was new to the field but prepared for the boys club? Does he see the same smile and young ambition she once was so consumed with that she let the rest of her life slip away? She’s getting older her birthday just passing and she thinks about the fact that now she is as old as Melissa was when she died. She thinks about the pictures they won’t take, about the people now missing from the Christmas dinners, the Sunday brunch, the nephews birthday parties. Her phone rings and it’s Mulder he booked the first flight back and is already on his way to the precinct. She wants to know where Alice Bryant is she wants them to win one for once. Mulder wants her to wait until they can interrogate Gerry together. They are so good together, she knows. The two of them play off each other so well with suspects. Mulder seems crazy and she seems scary and she loves it. She loves the power it gives her. She loves seeing justice and fear mingle together in the room. She hopes they are scared, hopes that the suspects feel even the small degree of fear that they cause their victims to feel. It is that feeling that has kept her with the FBI, she loves being the one to find the evidence and then confront the suspect with her findings. Mulder is in a way the perfect partner for her. He steps back lets her take the lead, knows that if anyone will find something tangible to hang a case on it’ll be her. 

Gerry gives them a location, and as they race to find her, she can’t help but be angry at Gerry seeing her as troubled. She isn’t troubled is she? Conflicted? Scared? Maybe. She doesn’t want to overthink a psychopaths words. She learned long ago from Mulders profiles how they use words and gestures to gain trust. Luther Lee Boggs being a prime example for them both. 

Scully races up the hill hoping and praying that they can find Alice alive, and hopefully not as damaged as Mary, but as she makes it to the top, Alices still form crushes her thoughts. She touches Alices’ cold skin, her cheeks. Watches as the CS tech starts to take photos of the scene. More photos, more death, and now another body. At least Gerry is in custody. At least they saved the future woman that he might have tortured and killed.  Mulder meets her at the car, her anger rolls off her in waves like the lake shore. Maybe tonight she will sit on the shore and cry, no one would be able to hear her sobs over the water. She wants to leave to go home and fix her broken frame try to not think of photos and sand and lives that could have been. She can’t drive and though she wanted to be in control she hands the keys to Mulder so they can drive back to their hotel and clean up. She needs to wash the failure she feels down the drain. It doesn’t work that way, Gerry shot the police officer that was processing him, they put out an APB but her mind can only race about possible new victims he already might be on his way to take. 

They look at the photo of the officer on the paperwork, Mulder is right the photos are probably the key. God who else did Gerry take a photo of? Who else is going to deal with a madman telling them they are troubled and killing them to fix it? 

Apparently the benefit of Traverse City being smaller than most major metropolitan areas is when you need to steal something you pick the same drugstore you stalked your victims. Gerry has assaulted the owner and taken more film. They walk through the drugstore one more time, she thinks of the apartment complexes on each side and tells Mulder as such as he once again puts money into the photo machine. She looks at him in curiosity, last time they went in this time he is letting it roll without them. HIs theory has developed and isn’t ready to share just yet, she knows he will explain in the car. She wants to get going, he tosses her the keys and she walks out into the bright sun. 

She doesn’t remember much she remembers her foot hurting from the injection remembers the struggle as she tries to get her gun. She wakes strapped to a chair with Gerry in the dark corner as her eyes try to adjust to the light. Her arms taped down roughly the large sheetrock tool on the shiny metal table. She wants to plead in a responsible way. Gerry knows that this is the end, she can’t let him think that she will be part of his prize. She doesn’t remember much of her German important phrases and it takes her a few moments to come up with what to say to him. Especially since conversational german was the only class she ever got a B in. Luckily the words are there, as if her mind knows to channel the knowledge buried so deep. Gerry gets up to grab the camera, she sees her chance if she can get the tray she can cut her restraints and take him out. She needs to stall, she needs Mulder to have time to find her. She wants to give him time, She asks Gerry about his own Howlers about the trouble with his father. She channels Mulder and knows what brothers will do for sisters. Her own brother would do for her and Melissa. Gerry pulls the tray away and takes the camera to take her picture once more. She struggles with thinking that the photos she took with Mulder in that small cramped little booth won’t be the last ones he sees of her. He will see her on the floor of the padded room in a weird distorted photo that will filter into his dreams for years to come. But luck is on her side and she is able to convince Gerry to take a photo of himself. The camera flash is almost blinding, she knows he is sick she just needs to show him that this has always been about him and not anyone else. The photos come out in a small series of flashes, they wait for the polarization to show the image. She feels vindicated when they show him dead, show him his fate. That justice is finally with her. She just hopes it doesn’t plan on taking her with him. Gerry flips through the photos over and over. Questioning the images, like Mulder did. What do they mean? She hopes they mean that her life will be hers again, that she will be able to see the waves and shore once more. But Gerry thinks it’s about time, that his time is ending and he must hurry. Fear runs through her body a surge of adrenaline as she tugs and struggles against the restraints. She thinks about the time she almost drowned, how it felt struggling in the water, wondering why something so beautiful and peaceful would try to take her life. How she would gasp and flail her arms in sheer panic, like now as she hears Mulder calling her name. God Mulder please please prove that picture true and he does. Thank god he does. She feels him release her final bonds reach out his hand to take hers. She feels the storm calming inside of her, like Mulder is a life preserve her around her waist pulling her up against the tide. She walks out of the dark trailer, walks past the paramedics straight to the lakeshore. She takes off her heels, the prick of the injection still stings but the sand and the wind and the waves cradle her in their embrace. She takes a deep breath, lets the air of the misty water fill her lungs up. She takes a moment to look down at her feet in the sand and as she looks up she almost swears she sees Melissa in the distance dancing on a distant shore. 

tagging @today-in-fic @gaycrouton @xfilesfanficexchange @improlificinsarcasm

[lizacstuff]

Liza - I really enjoyed the meta on your favorite echo scene and hope you do more. I’ll eagerly devour any that you’d care to share. If you need a prompt maybe favorite angsty scene?

It’s so hard for me to choose, because I love the final Echo scenes in ep 3, 4 and 5.  I’ve watched all of them many times; they brim with angst.  If I have to choose one, I’ll go with the confrontation at the drive-in in ep 3. A few things I loved about the scene:

The Awkward -  The initiation of this scene is so deliciously awkward. Max is in the car with Cam, trying (futilely) to move on from Liz, and then suddenly there’s his dream girl, pounding on the car. Honestly, I enjoyed the way Cam (understandably) tries to object and is just roundly dismissed. Liz just gives her a look like, “This is so much bigger than you, back off,” and it works. Admittedly, I also enjoy that Max and Cam both know that Max is going to get out of the car and follow her. Sorry Cam, you drew the short end of the stick here. (As an aside, this was the last time I felt sorry for Cam on the romantic front because this was the exact moment she should have cut her losses with Max. The writings on the wall, girl.) Once he does follow Liz, he’s so deliciously frustrated when he asks, “What is this about?“ I get the feeling that maybe he thinks it’s a jealousy thing. Think again, buddy. (It is a bit, but not about Cam)  So when watching I felt a surge of vindication on Liz’s behalf when she shoves that letter in his face. Yasss, she is completely justified interrupting his date.  

Trust & Faith - Even though Liz knows the murderer is an alien (limiting the suspects significantly) and then finds evidence that indicates that Max not only saw Rosa the night she died, but was having an affair with her, Liz still goes directly to him and confronts him BY HERSELF.  We know Kyle was trying to call her and presumably she ignored it. It never occurs to her that she might need backup or even that it might be a good idea to let Kyle know what she’s doing. She goes alone and allows herself to be in a vulnerable situation with someone she’s going to accuse of murder. Wow. And once she confronts him, she lets it rip. She comes at him verbal guns blazing, methodically leveling every charge she has at him. She hides nothing, she doesn’t back down for a second. However, at no point watching the scene do I sense any fear of him. At all. She’s angry at him, she’s suspicious of him, but she’s not scared. In her mind she may be confronting a murderer, but she just knows that she’s in no danger from him. She has faith he won’t hurt her, even if she fears he hurt her sister. It’s pretty extraordinary. 

Max’s Mortification - Nathan does such an outstanding job when Liz starts reading Max’s ye olde love letter out-loud.  With his body language and tone you can just feel that Max wants to physically climb into a hole and hide. 

(perfect gif by @thatonekimgirl reblog the whole set here)

(much more under the cut)

He would prefer almost anything in that moment than having his 17-year-old words being flung back at him by their muse. He begs her to put an end to his humiliation, “Please just stop, come on.”  I was holding my breath waiting for him to blurt out that the letter was for her. On rewatch I love his squirming, I want to bathe in a pool of his angsty teen discomfort, but the first time I watched it was excruciating. Well done.  

Liz’s Motivation - When Max finally confesses that the note was meant for her, her reaction is swift and angry. Of course the thought had occurred to her. She’s obviously read the letter carefully with that in mind because she was able to offer an immediate rebuttal to the idea: “This isn’t about us. You and I never kissed.” I think her drive to confront him immediately that night is being driven by jealousy. When Max shows her his memories in the pilot, he convinces her that she’s special to him. Liz believes it and I don’t think suspicion being shifted to him as she starts to investigate, changes that. We know it doesn’t because she attempts to manipulate him with it: “We can get to know each other.” In narration, Liz essentially tells us she has to put aside the feelings and investigate objectively. However, here she is, full of feelings, banging on cars, furiously confronting a would-be murderer with no clear plan, and I don’t think she would be that reckless or enraged unless she was truly hurt. The letter being for Rosa means not only is he probably a murderer, but it also means what she felt from him when they connected is also probably a lie, and that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  

Jeanine is amazing as realization dawns on Liz and she remembers that day in April of senior year, remembers the blackout. She’s stunned, flattered, disconcerted; you can feel her anger melt away, and something much softer take its place. However, Liz must feel that too, feel her guard go down, because it only lasts a beat before she regroups and gets back on task. However, now that the jealousy has evaporated, she’s much more methodical. She’s able to catalog the evidence against him clearly and concisely. Well… she’s able to do that until Max brings out the big gun.

The Declaration - The best part of this scene is, of course, Max verbalizing his feelings for Liz. While watching I was mentally yelling, “Tell her you couldn’t have done it because you love her!!!”  AND then he did exactly that. “I have loved you my entire life, including every single day you were gone in the last decade.” Damn, son.

At the time, neither Liz nor the audience knows what happened to Rosa, and it’s obvious that Max knows more than he’s saying. However, Liz, and the viewer, are left with no doubts that when Max says he loves her, he means it. It’s not a cover, it’s not an excuse or distraction. It’s deep and real to him. It’s astonishing, really, because this scene starts with him on a date with another woman, and we know he’s hiding something, but we still give ourselves over and believe in his feelings for her. Part of that is the writing, part is the lightening-rod chemistry between the actors, and part of it is the intensity and raw emotion Nathan brings to the declaration and the sense of heart-stopping awe Jeanie brings to Liz’s reaction. Liz believes so we believe.

  In Hindsight -  Within a few episodes we find out exactly what Max is hiding, which makes rewatching this scene so fascinating. When Liz asks if he murdered Rosa, Max is genuinely shocked and wounded that she could even think he is capable of something like that. 

(Fab gif by @wonderrbat  go here to reblog the full set)

Look at that face! He’s sincerely crushed by the accusation, which is a bit disingenuous since he thinks, you know, that his sister did it.  Still, I believe his emotional reaction.

On a similar note, this line stuck out to me at the time, but I had no idea how telling it would become: “After all we have been through, do you truly believe I’m capable of killing someone you love.”  It’s the “you love” part that got me.  Then it was notable because most people would stop before that: “Do you truly believe I am capable of killing someone?” Full stop. However, we find out later that Max is entirely capable of killing someone, has few qualms and is pretty damn stone cold about it. So it’s the “you love” part that’s significant. It’s sweet that he’s capable of murder, but he draws the line at murdering people she loves. (that’s a joke, but also kinda not)

When viewed holistically, what astonishes me about this scene is that our flawed alien boy manages to protect the secret, while still being about as emotionally open and honest as one human being can be with another. It’s rare, stunning and shockingly romantic.

[scottstiles]

i was tagged by @stydiea thank u carly babe!!

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, don’t cheat. Tag 10 (or however many) people.

teen wolf

criminal minds

legend of the seeker

merlin

the office

1. Who is your favourite character in 2?

it’s always hard for me to choose between reid and garcia but for some reason (not a very deep one) i always have to fall back on little spenceroonie. he’s a delicious treat that one. all around excellence in just about every way.

2. Who is your least favourite character in 1?

*THROWS HEAD BACK WITH SARCASTIC LAUGHTER* i’m not even gonna write his name. “if you don’t know me by now, youuu will never never never know me. ooh oo-oo-oo-ooh.“

3. What is your favourite episode of 4?

ooooooooh that’s an interesting question!!! i haven’t done an entire rewatch in awhile, but off the top of my head i love the troll arc episodes, and also THE LABYRINTH OF GEDREF gimme all the self sacrifice for tru love it’s DELICIOUS. this is a hard question cuz i love so many eps really i could go on :// k but i came back to add this cuz i just remembered that ep where merlin “fell in love” with freya and how i used to cry and cry over it so lkdjkkhgk there ya go. i was such a dork.

4. What is your favourite season of 5?

hmmMMMMM that’s tough but i have been bingeing so i should be able to answer this... i guess i have to go with season 2 because watching that jam soulmate slow burn come to fruition is one of the most satisfying feelings on the planet.

5. Who is your favourite couple in 3?

richard and kahlan, duh!!

6. Who is your favourite couple in 2?

welllll there weren’t really any couples between the mains over the years but if i coulda had any it woulda been jj+spence, my soft sweet children who were always in love one way or another

7. What is your favourite episode of 1?

oh gosh. welp, i gotta stay consistent don’t i? 3x22- de-void (night school and motel cali are 2nd and 3rd probably, tho maybe not in that order)

8. What is your favourite episode of 5?

oh for sure when jim kissed pam for the first time - finale of season 2, casino night

9. What is your favourite season of 2?

UMMMM sheesh there’s just too many seasons to choose from sorry XD

10. How long have you watched 1?

yea.. since like 2013 i think. there was no going back.

11. How did you become interested in 3?

i... don’t remember? i guess it was when the show was airing and then i like.. devoured all the books?? damn that was a long time ago. it’s so nice to finally know people who also love the show XD

12. Who is your favourite actor in 4?

oh definitely colin morgan. his face itself is magic.

13. Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

ehehehee FUCK YOU (i can’t choose between tw and cm and you CAN’T MAKE ME)

14. Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3 ?

i mean .. umm.. i’ve seen all of them both? i guess if we’re talking about rewatches there’s no comparison. i think i’ve watched more teen wolf than anything ever XD

15. If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

oh fuck what a great question. merlin for sure

16. Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

DEFINITELY. i think. i mean they’re both fantasy so like... theoretically it should work. why not.

17. Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

lshkjdfhkjfd malydia my dudes. opposites attract. they cared for each other so much also.

18. Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

well i mean that’s like asking what tastes better, freshly baked bread or freshly grilled steaks.. i just can’t answer. LotS is an incredible story with so many interesting plot lines, but the office is one of the most original comedies of its time (yes, i know the british one was first, i said what i said), so i don’t think it’s possible to choose a better one.

19. Which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

omg the merlin theme music lives in a very special place in my brain that few things access. let’s leave it at that.

I’M GONNA TAG SOME PEOPLE. WOOHOO! @stiilesstilinski​ @ljcovensky​ @mikewheeler​ @xproskeith​ @saphyrenights​ @lozenger8​ @bridgetsregan​ @tylergaciaposey​ @chokemetomholland​​ @tomhollandstaint​ @bellblake​​

[avalonsilver]

Supernatural questions

SPN Questions Game!

I was tagged by @lovedsammy

Thank you! I appreciate it. Sorry this took so long. It was fun answering the questions though. :-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? The night the show first premiered on Sept. 13, 2005 (according to Google). I knew Jensen and Jared from other shows (more recently at that time, Jensen's recurring role on Smallville and then Jared on Gilmore Girls) and was curious. Sci-fi/fantasy is a fav genre for me, so Supernatural seemed right up my alley (the horror/gory aspects sometimes was a little much for me, but the character dynamics keep me watching). I watched the show regularly for the first five seasons. What got me to fall in love with the show was a small scene in the first episode.  (rest under the cut)

That was when Dean answers Sam's belief about Dean doing this alone [find their Dad] with a "Yeah, well, I don't want to." The way this line was delivered by Jensen... it just showed a vulnerability in Dean. It showed what sort of character Dean was -- that he needed, wanted his brother by his side. That moment left me wanting to learn more about Sam and Dean, and I cared about their journey in each episode. After the Season 5 finale, I stopped watching the show regularly. I watched the first few eps of Season 6 I believe, but they failed to hold my interest. Not enough Cas I guess (I loved him in Seasons 4 and 5 and his character development in those two seasons). I randomly watched a few Season 7 episodes when they aired (the one with Charisma Carpenter & James Marsters (7x05) and the Eliot Ness episode (7x12)). I was wondering where Cas was at as I didn't really know then what had happened to him. Finally, about five years later, when Season 13 was airing, I fell back into watching the show. I saw War of the Worlds 13x07 live without much of an idea of what had gone on in the show in the last few years. So I had no idea that Sam and Dean now called this bunker their home. It was certainly an experience watching that episode being pretty confused about things. The mid-season finale/"The Bad Place" really peaked my interest that I should catch up with this show again. Jack got me curious. I ended up watching the Season 13 finale live. 

Over the summer, I binge-watched the seasons I missed post-Season 5. I watched the episodes I missed in Season 13 first. Then I went through Seasons 6, 9, 10 and 11 (still working on Season 12- finished through 12x08). With Seasons 7 & 8, I mainly watched the episodes where Cas appeared (with S7, that made the season go fast for me since he was only in five episodes... I did see 7x03 though because of Colin Ford. He is my favorite version of "young Sam"... and catching up with the show, it was a nice surprise that he returned in Season 7). I am planning to see those S7 & 8 episodes I skipped over-- feel kind of bad for not watching those seasons completely.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Castiel -- I looked forward to his scenes back in Seasons 4 and 5. His journey since then has been interesting to watch. While his development in Season 6 was hard to see unfold, I see it as the unfortunate fallout from averting the apocalypse. It was a win that TFW stopped the apocalypse particularly through Sam's sacrifice. But sadly, Cas's desire to prevent Apocalypse Take 2 from happening caused him to go to dark places -- leaving TFW fractured. I think his experience as a human was one of the best things that happened to him-- it really helped him be more compassionate and understanding-- or just really bring out what Cas already had inside him. I still prefer him to be an angel though (I have a weakness for "superpowers"...like the glowy eyes/healing...). But I appreciate that Cas did experience being human and learned something valuable from that.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? Dean, although it's hard to choose a least favorite. Each one has their good and bad traits. Dean's harsh treatment of Jack in Season 13 is not something I can brush aside completely. So that's why Dean comes to mind. Dean has gotten better with Jack, true, but his early S13 handling of Jack while Sam pleaded with Dean to give Jack a chance is still hard to forget.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs. (I think most everyone has done these questions, so below are just the Supernatural blogs I like checking out) Let’s see… I tag: @hallowedbecastiel, @lovedsammy @flightoftheseraph​, @soluscheese, @castielisourhero, @sastiel-daily, @canonspngifs

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? Bobby Singer, although I guess he can be considered an honorary member of TFW. I have not seen the episode where he dies (7x10), but I plan to and I know it'll leave me teary-eyed I'm sure. But seeing the episodes where he returns in some capacity (10x17 "Inside Man" -- so much love for that episode, and 11x16 "Safe House") got me really emotional. That letter to Sam in 10x17, and Dean figuring he and Bobby were there at the same time in that house thanks to some time-wimey explanation... it just made me wish Bobby was still alive. He was really like a father to Sam and Dean and it'll certainly be hard to watch those early seasons with Bobby -- knowing now that he's gone. At least he's in Heaven. I want to add Jack too-- even if he is a part of TFW, but technically it's TFW 2.0 for him, so he does sort of count I guess (I'm reaching here, I know, but couldn't resist). Mostly because his character got me curious and led me to watching all of Season 13 and motivating me to finally catch up with the seasons I've missed of the show. Seeing all the crap that Sam had been through with Lucifer post-Season 5 made his willingness to help Jack, Lucifer's son, all the more compelling.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? As far as a female character who's currently still alive, Rowena is pretty awesome -- some of her outfits have been gorgeous. And there's the 13x19 scene on the phone where she flirts with Cas --"oh is the handsome angel there with you? Hello, Tweetie Pie." was amusing in how it left Cas a little flustered and off-footed in his response. Considering back at the end of Season 10, Rowena cursed him with that "attack dog" spell causing Cas some considerable misery... it's just so like the show for the pair of them to be sort of chill with one another now. Cas still doesn't quite know how to take flirtations-- it's endearing. Also, due to my summer rewatch, I really enjoyed Meg 2.0's character. I loved her dynamic with Cas and was sad when she died. I love that she saw Cas as "her unicorn." Rachel Miner did a great job with the character of Meg. I'll never forget that moment in 6x10 when Meg made out with Cas.

7. John or Mary? Mary (I haven't seen all of Season 12 and did hear her storyline had its issues, but from what I know about her, I prefer her to John). Watching the 300th episode caused me to warm up to John again. I'm glad Sam and Dean got some closure with him. I think I blame the background music sometimes used during the John moments... it got me all nostalgic and emotional. I enjoyed Mary in Season 13 and being protective of Jack -- to where she decided to stay with him even if it meant needing to leave the camp because AU! Bobby was suspicious of Jack's half-angel status. So I'll stick with Mary on this one.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? Sam: I thought he was a compelling character. He was like the "regular guy" character at the beginning helping to introduce the audience into the strange world of hunting the supernatural his family was a part of. I took a television course back in college, so this kind of stuff was discussed, bear with me. lol ... as the show went on, it was ironic that he was the one with psychic powers, the demon blood and was the "true vessel" for Lucifer. After playing catch up with the show post-Season 5, I feel so bad for the crap Sam has gone through particularly with Lucifer. It has been a long time for me, so I can't exactly remember my first impression of Sam. After seeing Jared on Gilmore Girls, I think I just automatically decided to find any character he played likable since I generally liked his character on Gilmore Girls. It was sad how badly Sam wanted to live a normal/safe life with Jess in the pilot but that wasn't in the cards for him.

Dean: I found his "devil may care" attitude kind of cool, but as brought up earlier, I liked that he cares about family. That he came to get Sam because he needed him by his side to search for their Dad. Even despite the big fight that was close to John disowning Sam, Dean wanted to make the effort to mend bridges. Dean took the chance that Sam would still care about their Dad's well-being despite the big fight. Or maybe Dean knew that deep down, Sam would agree to help -- as after all, Dean practically raised him so he obviously knew Sam pretty well (even if he didn't quite understand Sam's strong desire to head to university and try for an "normal apple pie life.")

Cas: He was a big part why I was excited for Seasons 4 and 5 when they were airing. Although in retrospect, he didn't really have a lot of scenes in S4 &5. I just ended up being grateful for what we did get back then. I liked how though seemed alien in his first appearance and interaction with Dean, there were hints that Cas did care and wasn't a cold, unfeeling angel. Like I couldn't quite hate him completely for burning out Pamela's eyes even though I wanted to initially. Cas just seemed a little regretful about that, so I could see sparks of opportunity for character growth. I need to rewatch the scene again, but I vaguely recall Cas looked sad/regretful about Pamela's fate. And when he told Dean, "You don't think you deserve to be saved,"-- the way the line was delivered got me even more curious about Cas. Then his end of episode appearance in 4x02 freaked me out a bit because he was intense there. But honestly, during most of that 4x02 scene, I was bothered by his lips being dry/cracked... why I still remember this after all these years, IDEK. Still wish someone had given him some chapstick or something then. lol 

Jack: The first episode I saw him in was the mid-season 13 finale. I was interested in Jack and learning more about him... I'm sure it would have been better if I'd seen those earlier Season 13 episodes to understand Jack better. I really enjoyed how everything went down in 13x09 and how climactic it ended up being. The last shot of Jack in "Apocalypse World" with him looking up at Mary in a cage was a well-done shot. After seeing 13x01, I liked Jack's curiosity about the world and his love of nougat. He seemed like a sweet and caring person and eager to please.

9. What’s your favorite season? Season 1. It was when I first started watching and was just a pretty solid season overall. The cliffhanger was evil, but hell, that really got me on the board to continue with this show. Plus, the memorable lines --"driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole", "hope your apple pie was freakin' worth it!" and I loved the moment of Dean bringing peanut M&Ms as one of his provisions in 1x02 "Wendigo" (and they did prove useful in the end in tracking him down). It's tempting to say a season with Cas too because I like his character. With Cas, probably Season 10 since I enjoyed his interactions with Claire. Also, I love 10x17 so much (just made me miss Bobby and that end montage is an automatic rewatch for me). Although Season 4 was good too with Castiel's introduction. I like how his character developed to the point where he was prepared to fight off archangels to stop the apocalypse. Even if this defied the other angels wanting the apocalypse to come to fruition. Honorary mention to Season 13 mostly for the journey of Sam and Jack's father-son bond. I always love seeing tributes to that bond and the support Jack received from Sam.

10. What’s your least favorite season? Season 7, but then again I haven't seen the entire season yet. From what I saw of the Leviathans, I didn't like them as villains. But Leviathan!Cas was pretty awesome-- he definitely freaked me out for the brief time the Leviathan took him over. Just a shame that the Leviathan after that were just kind of meh... For a season I saw entirely, I'd have to say Season 6. Though Castiel had some great moments in this season (6x20 of course being a highlight), it hurt to see Cas turn against Sam and Dean. Yes, Cas was doing all that to stop Apocalypse 2.0, but I hated that he resorted to breaking Sam's wall (leaving Sam a mess into Season 7). Also, the first half of the season with soulless!Sam was weird to watch... since Sam wasn't himself and knowing that was sad. I enjoyed the episode 6x11 where Dean made a deal with Death to get Sam's soul out of the cage. So yeah, I liked some parts of Season 6, but overall, it's not easy to rewatch knowing this is the unfortunate fallout of averting the apocalypse in Season 5. Back in the day-- for just Seasons 1 through 5, I'd say Season 3...the season had its moments, but it just ranked lowest for me in terms of the first five seasons. Although S3 gets points for one cliffhanger of an ending.

11. Opinions on Destiel? I used to be big on Destiel, or just Dean and Cas's friendship/strong bond in Seasons 4 and 5. Maybe my enthusiasm for them just faded away over time... after catching up with the show recently, my perspective has changed. I can't completely get over Dean's treatment of Cas at the end of Season 7 after he'd taken on Sam's hell trauma leaving him broken and not mentally stable. Dean yelling at Cas more than once was frustrating to see during this time. I just can't get into Dean x Cas as much as before... though Cas sticking around and still being Dean's friend, helping him and Sam out, does speak a lot to Cas's ability to forgive... not to stay angry with Dean after some of the things Dean has said to him and put him through (such as kicking him out of the bunker in 9x03 without any offer of assistance so Cas wouldn't continue to be homeless... I can understand why a lot of people didn't like 9x03).

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? No. t's nice that Dean can have a solid, meaningful friendship with someone who isn't Sam... so it's good that he has Castiel. But the moments where it seems like it's leading to something more than friendship for Destiel... I think it just shows the strength of their friendship.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? Seasons 8-14 -- mostly because I liked Cas's character development in the later seasons. That he's more compassionate, maybe more human -- his short time as a human influencing him in a good way for the most part. Even if his angelic powers were diminished in the later seasons. 

I miss his teleporting (I had grown used to the "rustle of wings" sound effect in Seasons 4 and 5), and to learn he'd lost that ability for a few years already by the time of Season 13 -- that was sad to know. Despite that loss, I like that Cas has become more expressive -- like in the 14x12 scene where he's discussing "Rowena's remarkable command of profanity" on the phone to Sam -- The line delivery and his facial expression was on point there.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? Crowley. He had some great moments on the show, and it was great to see his journey on the show. From full-on antagonist to sort of being on Team Winchester. I don't like that he killed Meg 2.0 (I miss her :(), but he was a compelling character and it's sad that he's not on the show anymore.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? Yes!

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas) Sam. They all have gone through their share of trauma, so it's not easy to just choose one. But Sam has been tortured by Lucifer himself, and still suffers PTSD from that every time he has to deal with Lucifer.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 1x12 - "Faith"  -- I have a fondness for some Season 1 episodes. Asylum was another fav for me along with Home and Something Wicked. At the time that “Faith” aired, I was big on hurt!Dean, and this episode delivered. I loved how determined Sam was to save his brother. This was still back when some great classic rock songs were used. The "Don't Fear the Reaper" song playing while Sam and Dean carried out their plan to stop the reaper was pretty epic. And looking back, boy, do I miss those days when iconic songs like that were used on the show. 18. Do you like case episodes? Yes -- I like seeing how the mystery unravels, and finding out who the culprit is in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? Sam. Mostly due to his love/appreciation of research. I like to research too and learn new things. Also, he's the younger sibling, which is the same for me. I can relate to his frustration with his dad -- though it was for different reasons, I've felt similarly-- just different personalities and perspectives clashing, I would say.

20. Why do you like Supernatural? I like Supernatural because of the brotherly bond between Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean was what first drew me to the show and I still enjoy seeing the twists and turns they go through -- and I appreciate the moments that strengthen their bond and get emotional and heartbroken when they're divided. At the end of the day, I feel Sam and Dean are the heart and the soul of the show -- my hope for the end of the series is that the brothers' bond is as strong as ever. I would be so sad if they end the show with Sam and Dean at odds with each other-- I have faith the writers wouldn't do this -- it would be hard to watch (like back in 4x21 where they fight each other and go their separate ways... it was painfully heartbreaking to see).   Also, I love Team Free Will -- it's nice that Sam and Dean have Cas now as a long-time friend and confidante. I like Jack and the more recent Team Free Will 2.0 that formed to include him. Though the original Team Free Will is more iconic, I guess, for me since it formed as the apocalypse approached in Season 5. And the name really had a meaning: that Sam, Dean and Cas weren't going to fold and follow what the higher up angels wanted... that their free will mattered more than following their long foretold destinies.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? I'm torn between bringing Bobby back or Meg 2.0. I'd kill off Lucifer (if he is really woken up in the Empty -- he needs to be put down again. :\). I'd like Kevin Tran to come back. I would be okay with killing off AU! Bobby if we can get the old Bobby back. And Meg 2.0 being brought back would be great-- I miss her interactions with Cas.

[toadcircus]

i was tagged by @beastiebros 

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: apple and blackcurrant squah boiii

2. last phone call: I called my friend for the whole like, half hour journey to uni bc he was on his way home for a week, which I didn’t realise and im sad bc I didn’t see him all of last week bc the security in the building he lives in don’t like me and always come up to spy on us and I am not about that at all

3. last text message: “same about to get in the lift” to my friend who I was meeting to get the bus to uni with, last monday

4. last song you listened to? “no light no light” by Florence and the machine

5. last time you cried? Yesterday bc I get overwhelmed by simple tasks

6. dated someone twice? Lmao I’ve barely dated anyone let alone one person twice

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Hoo yeah awkward shit

8. been cheated on? nah

9. lost someone special? Yeah I guess?

10. been depressed? Not been diagnosed with anything but I do get uhh depressive states I Guess

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? Yeah lmao

12. fave colors: I like primary colours and also dark blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Yeah tons bc uni

16. fallen out of love? Mmm unfortunately not

17. laughed until you cried? Yeah a couple times

18. found out someone was talking about you? Yh I heard my flatmate mention me once and misgender me so now im like knife eyes

19. met someone who changed you? Lots of people

20. found out who your friends are? Yeahh? Idk what this means

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? Uhh yes I think like 4 people

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? Most of them JNFDSKJGHS im not gonna count im lazy

23. do you have any pets? Used 2 hav a dog but all dogs go 2 heaven. Also I love that film that film was my whole childhood

24. do you want to change your name? legally yh I want 2 change it 2 richard but im lazy and clueless about how to do it

25. what did you do for your last birthday? I went 2 the pub with uni friends and it was super super sweet

26. what time did you wake up today? Like 11/12 bc im a disaster

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? Probably watching jane the virgin

28. what is something you cant wait for? To get on T BINCH and also to move into my new house in july

30. what are you listening to right now? Nothing I cant listen 2 music and write who do u think I am, superman???

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? That’s my brothers name KJGDKGD

32. something thats getting on your nerves? How dirty the kitchen is

33. most visited website? Def tumblr like 100% im always here its lame

34. hair color: mousey brown, what it is now

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: we’re sorry! You must purchase the premium toadcircus package to unlock this answer.

37. what do you like about yourself: I like that I can make people laugh, I like my nose, I like that I think in a bit of a squiffy way compared 2 other people bc sometimes its cool

38. want any piercings? I want 2 get my ear pierced maybe and get a little ring that’d look cool I think. Maybe my bridge pierced idk

39. blood type: dude idk

40. nicknames: Richard (Im putting my actual name as a nickname bc its used more as a nickname than my nickname is), ricky, richardio, ricardio, rich…. Charlie called me Bichy once I think, which is a hightlight

41. relationship status: single as HELL and sad about it

42. zodiac: libra

43. pronouns: he/him

44. fave tv shows: always sunny, peep show, that mitchelle and webb look, jane the virgin, crazy ex girlfriend, dirk gently holistic detective agency, Brooklyn 99… I like a lot of shows, more than this. I just cant remember them

45. tattoos: none atm but I want some

46. right or left handed: right

47. ever had surgery: no

48. piercings: septum

49. sport: rolling fat doinks

50. vacation: I want 2 go to Amsterdam

51. trainers: what

more general

52. eating: I wish you didn’t have to eat and instead you’d just take these like, nutrition pills and that eating was like, a hobby or something. Bc I don’t like it much altho I boredom eat quite a lot so im just a hypocrite. Oh I just saw the next question, u mean what im eating right now gkjfkgd nothing

53. drinking: squash

54. im about to watch: not the latest crazy exgf ep, but the one before bc I got half way thru apparantely and just stopped and I forgot what I watched anyway so im gonna rewatch it

55. waiting for: to get deeper into my new projects. That sentence doesn’t make sense but that’s the questions fault, not me

56. want: I want 2 do a bong hit and play more half life 2 TBH

57. get married: hopefully someday

58. career: hopefully drawing shit. Commission me

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: literally anything

60. lips or eyes: eyes. I notice eyes first like the colour and stuff but good lips r essential (don’t hold me to this if I date someone with weird lips)

61. shorter or taller: I don’t mind, being with someone shorter would make me feel taller but then we’d both be really short idk… taller probs

62. older or younger: no one older than like… 26 atm I think. Or younger than 18 obviously but I think maybe actually 19 bc that’s uni age. So is 18 idk idk

63. nice arms or stomach: arms

64. hookup or relationship: relationship 100%

65. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: yeah hoohoo

67. drank hard liquor: yeee

68. lost glasses: I don’t have glasses

69. turned someone down: yeahh

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someones heart: hhhhhhh probably (this is dabbens answer but it was legit what I was going to type)

72. had your heart broken: yh binch probably

73. been arrested: No and hopefully never amen

74. cried when someone died: yeah ofc

75. fallen for a friend: yeah

do you believe in

76. yourself: kind of! I believe I can do fun big things hopefully but only if I stop being so scatty

77. miracles: I suppose

78. love at first sight: kind of yeah. I think sometimes you can tell when you’re attracted to someone when you first see them and sometimes you can fall in love with them also

79. santa claus: nop

80. kiss on a first date: sure if he’s cute and im feelin it

81. angels: sort of

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t like saying people are my best friend because im always scared that they wont see me as their best friend when I see them as mine so I just have friends but some friends that I see and think about more often

83. eye colour: blue

84. fave movie: idk there r 2 many 2 choose

85. fave actor Armie Hammer is hot shit and I want 2 look at him all the time.

i’m gonna tag

@dreamsweetinseamajor @groovy-vampire @ickyyy @furcoat

[mittensmorgul]

The Right Thing vs The Greater Good

I’ve been rewatching the middle bits of s11 on the TNT loop today (11.14-17), and throwing in 11.10 for Dabb putting his fingerprints all over the mytharc for s11, it really feels like this chunk of episodes is really when Dabb started exerting his influence all over the major themes of the series. And this group of episodes really clearly shows the sorts of themes that s12 is addressing in another way, especially since it seems like Dabb had been in cahoots with Bobo, and still is… :D

(pffft another way)

I included some of my chattybubble thoughts to Lizbob for both clarification and some just for funsies because I think I’m hilarious. :D

There’s the extremely surface level stuff about the MoL involvement in Europe in the past, and bringing that plot to the surface (heh because those events culminated in the sinking of a submarine, I crack myself up).

I’d like to point out that 11.14 and 11.16 BOTH deal with time travel, or stories that play with time in interesting ways, THIS is how you do time travel episodes. And the consequences of 11.14 are similar to the consequences of traveling to the past in the entire history of this show (4.03, 5.13, 6.18, 7.12…) WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE DREADED BUCKLEMMING TIME TRAVEL FIASCOES. Ugh. Okay. Sorry. Just had to say that.

Most of my thoughts on 11.15 and 11.16 ended up tidily summarized in our chats, so here, have a transcript of those, followed by my runthrough of the MAJOR INPORTINT THEMES in 11.17 that are still playing out mid s12. Under a cut, because I still haven’t learned the meaning of the word “brevity.” At least I’m still funny:

(edited for readability, and focus in on the main points. Y’all don’t need to hear such bits of this as me musing over the dozens of robins roosting in my birch tree or that Lizbob went out for a walk at one point...I bolded some key things if you’d prefer to just sorta skim this...)

Mittensmorgul: oh gosh mel's texting me, and I had to tell her that I'd rewound the "travel back in time" episode, she's like "ooh wrestling ep in 4 minutes!" and I had to tell her I'm "not caught up to real time yet." I hate time travel :P

Elizabethrobertajones: hahaha you're in a time loop. amazing :P are you up to the wrestling yet? Does it look any different from a Dabb vs performing Dean hindsight?

Mittensmorgul: It's a bit like an early "ghost of john winchester" preview to s12

Mittensmorgul: Heck I feel really bad for Harley, He believed in himself, turned down a demon deal, and ended up tortured and dead because of it :(

Elizabethrobertajones: yeah :< he was a Dean mirror at the time, right? I can't remember why

Mittensmorgul: He'd spent the first half grumpy at the "old guys." He was almost killed accidentally by the hangman's noose in the ring. the one whose funeral started everything. he was a suspect at first, they thought he was the demon for a bit. he was accusing gunner of being on drugs (he saw his dealer... er. demon). He was a hothead supposedly starting trouble, but really he was standing up for the "honor" (not the right word but whatever) of what they do, working for next to nothing night after night on the road. Ends up having his soul stolen by a demon against his will anyway

Elizabethrobertajones: right, he was a worst case scenario about souls being snatched, which we were worried about at the time

Mittensmorgul: and then in the end, after all Harley's yelling at Gunner about being dirty (via drugs, or via whatever...) Dean finally breaks through to Gunner with reason, with words\ Like Dean was an older and wiser version of Harley. Harley could never have guessed that GUnner's problem wasn't "drugs" but a demon... But Dean not only understood, he empathized, and talked Gunner into choosing another way

Elizabethrobertajones: heeey that sounds familiar :P

Mittensmorgul: honesty, accepting your responsibility, "It's never too late to do the right thing." ack gunner "I look in the mirror and I hate the face looking back at me. I got this coming." That hasn't been Dean in a while now

HELLHOUNDS

and oh my... Dean's "It's never too late to do the right thing" which he believes because "I have to." Because at the beginning his SOLE mission was finding a way to save Cas from having said YEs to Luci

And Sam's like, "If he even wants to be saved"

Dean says "He does, even if he doesn't know it yet"

RUFUS! I've been wanting to see this episode again since reading something about the parallel between Dean and Rufus via Ketch's arrival at the bunker

It's like Bobo, Dabb, and Robbie had all conspired to this theme of "fixing the past" via actions taken in the present by finding another better way

It’s literally it's the entire point of this episode

Where Dean's "better" spell doesn't just trap the soul eater, it KILLS it and frees everyone who's stuck "outside of time and space" in its nest

[we had a rambling discussion of just how much this foreshadowed everything that happened in 11.23]

Elizabethrobertajones: so Dean walked in and walked out And clapped eyes on a long-lost parental figure on the way out :P

Mittensmorgul: BUT in doing so he ALSO frees Bobby's soul, and the trapped kids from the past

Elizabethrobertajones: freeing the things from the past. yikes :P Like Mary was freed from the past

Mittensmorgul: This is literally the theme of s12… Having better tools, better info, a more complete plan for saving everything, healing the past so everyone can move forward

I remember seeing something about how 12.15 paralleled Dean to Rufus... and some of 11.16 does... literally putting Dean into Rufus's exact position as they switch back and forth between past and present. BUT THEN IT'S BOBBY WHO GOES INTO THE SOUL EATER'S NEST WITH DEAN Like Sam and Dean have flipped roles here. Or that they're interchangeably both bobby and rufus...

ACK the soul eater telling Sam "Your brother wants to go to the Darkness, NEEDS to go, but I can keep him here safe, forever." but... they ended up finding a better way through words and balance

Elizabethrobertajones: it's the only time they've seen each other since Bobby died, and Bobby's still technically alive on HIS end, so Dean STILL has never interacted with him, unlike Sam who has twice plus a dream

Mittensmorgul: We're picking at the ghost of John this season, but Bobby's a big part of "father figures" for Dean, and he's been there subtly all season too

ACK the bottle Sam and Jody found in 7.12. And the first call Bobby gets when he's free is from Dean... in the past... They're talking about Bobby maybe having been there "outside of space and time" and that Bobby had never written up his notes about that case... when Dean says "Let's get drunk and never think about this again.” Which is probably what bobby did.

AND THEN THE SAME SONG IS PLAYING ON THEIR RADIO THAT PLAYED ON BOBBY'S AS THEY LEFT

Okay, that was the end of our chat because we had to run off and do other things for a bit, but I did go on to watch 11.17 again as well. And that just neatly tied everything back together again, and there were some things there I believe are KEY to what s12 is focusing on. Back in s11 all of these topics were being dealt with “externally,” applied to situations beyond just Sam, Dean, Cas, etc. Yeah, Dean was central to the Chuck and Amara stuff (pffft as the firewall between light and dark), but now all these big themes are being applied to the Winchester family directly in a sort of  “As above, so below” sort of way.

A LOT has changed since 11.15 when Dean needed to take a break from research to clear his mind, because he’d been “spinning his wheels” trying to find a way to save Cas from Lucifer. But now in 11.17 it’s Sam who’s brought him this new case. Dean’s no longer spinning his wheels even if he hasn’t gotten any traction on solving the Casifer problem yet, but his drive to succeed has taken on the KEEP GRINDING motto. He doesn’t want or need to distract himself with this werewolf case, but Sam thinks it’s time for another “clear our heads” break.

Dean drags his heels, but relents.

Like many of the other “civilians” they encounter in s11, Michelle readily accepts the supernatural. Corbin had originally “rejected” the idea that these could be “monsters”-- specifically werewolves, and in the end he’d become the monster himself.

One of the big themes of 11.17 is miscommunication. Everything from Corbin questioning why they needed a landline phone (Don’t you have a cell phone?) because there was no signal service way out there in the woods, to Corbin lying about the extent of his own injuries and making Michelle doubt the evidence of her own eyes.

Michelle: Are you okay? I thought yesterday... Corbin: Just a couple scratches.

She’d seen him bitten, but he dismissed her concerns over and over again, even dismissing her “outlandish” claims when she’s finally at the hospital being interviewed by the sheriff.

Here’s another lovely pair of themes from s12 illustrated very concisely:

Corbin: I... look. Hey, Michelle's real sick, but she's got a chance. Him... he's slowing us down. And if they find us... Dean: We saved you, okay? We saved both of you. Corbin: It's three lives versus one.

Both the “you vs ALL of you” and the theme of “the greater good.” Compare that to I love you, I love all of you, and >.>. But also that last line, “three lives versus one.” That’s The Greater Good reduced to a simple math problem, which Corbin had rigged in his favor by “killing” Sam. 

(also bizarre aside, are trees out to get Dean? Here he has a fight with a tree, and in 12.11 the spell that made him lose his memories was carved into a tree and Rowena described the spell as written in “the Language of Trees.” Not to mention the bloody handprint on the tree that spurred him to giddily remember that their best friend’s an angel… okay, end random tree-related digression)

(no I’m reopening the random tree-related digression to postulate that ALL of this is down to the Vanir’s apple tree Dean burned way back in 1.11. I swear, that apple pie was probably freaking worth it... between scarecrows,pie, apples and orchards-- thinking of 7.05 here too-- and just trees in general, I think it wasn’t the broken mirrors from 1.05 that have haunted them all these years, but that dumbass scarecrow... okay, moving on for realsies now)

First it’s Sam’s turn to try and convince Corbin and Michelle to go, to run, to save themselves and leave him behind. Corbin sees the truth of it, though. He knows Dean won’t leave Sam there to die alone. So he makes the executive (possibly influenced by his loss of humanity, that he’s already becoming a “monster”) to suffocate Sam so that Dean will have a reason to leave.

For the greater good…

And at that point, Dean still needed to be convinced to leave Sam behind, but he promised to come back. He went along with the “greater good” of saving the “innocent people” since he didn’t know that one of them was literally and figuratively a monster.

This also neatly captures all the duality subtext in s12, as well. Nephilim, MoL vs hunters, people as monsters, monsters as people, angels as humans, angels living in harmony with a human soul, angels trapped in human bodies… there’s just a lot of this in s12. There’s also the lengths someone will go to in the name of “love,” however monstrous or misguided or even unwanted by the object of that love. More on that later.

Again, like 12.12 that told the story in a non-linear fashion, 11.17 employs a similar “messing with time” storytelling device, only revealing the past through the events of the present. We only understand how the story got to this point via small glimpses of “revisiting the past” through the events of the present. This was a HUGE theme of s11 (most clearly demonstrated in 11.14 and 11.16, as described above), considering the end result of s11 was a resolution of the original “problem” that resulted from the creation of the universe. S12 is doing almost the exact same thing, but instead of being framed around the Darkness being released and eventually reuniting with God, Mary has been released, bringing that universal conflict down to a human scale.

Back to the miscommunication…

Rather than explaining that there was another injured member of their party he needed to get back to attend to, Dean fights against the sheriff and ends up tasered and arrested. If he’d just used his words, the sheriff probably would’ve let him run back to help Sam, but then Corbin would’ve likely killed/turned Michelle without Dean there to intervene at the hospital, and he may have killed many others, as well.

Over and over, cell phones either don’t work in this episode, or they’re only working well enough to get a word or two through.

MISCOMMUNICATION IS THE EVOLEST VILLAIN.

Or maybe it’s actually this:

Corbin: I saved us. Look, you're hurt bad and... and I love you, Michelle. I can't lose you. I did what I had to do.

Seriously, if you hear I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO and don’t simultaneously hear Kill Bill sirens… you should be hearing Kill Bill sirens...

Meanwhile, Corbin knows exactly what bit him, and when asked directly by the doctor, he only tells her “I’m good.” He lies, he refuses to answer, he downplays the truth when someone else speaks it, even to the point of dismissing Michelle’s point of view entirely.

In the worst rendition of “unsuccessful communication,” the sheriff is unable to contact Charlie the Ranger for assistance because he’s already been killed by the monsters.

In another example of miscommunication, even between two people who are actively trying to help one another, Dean refers to Billie as a “Scary, crazy death machine,” and Michelle repeats back “Crazy, evil death machine.” She reinterpreted Dean’s words, and replaced “scary” with “evil,” and those words just aren’t synonyms, you know? Just because something’s scary doesn’t mean it’s evil. Proof that even when two people are essentially on the same page, they might very well have VASTLY DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDINGS AND INTERPRETATIONS of the situation at hand.

*coughRashomonEffectcough*

And… poor Michelle:

Michelle: Corbin? Corbin: Hey, baby. Please, don't be scared of me. I didn't want this. Okay, any of this, but... it's happened and it feels so... you'll see. [Michelle whimpers.] We'll be together. Michelle: No. Please. Corbin: Forever. Michelle: No! 

Forced love, or forced life, overriding someone else’s will, and yet Michelle decides what she wants for herself.

And then, a theme that’s been sort of haunting the narrative since the pilot episode, and has now been resurrected right along with Mary:

Michelle: They said I could leave... [she sighs] an hour ago. But... where am I even supposed to go? After everything we survived together... [turning back to Dean] I watched the man I love die. There's no normal after that.

This is what happened to John Winchester. He watched the woman he loved die, and there was never any normal after that. Now Mary is back, without John, and there’s never going to be any normal for her either. But that doesn’t mean there can never be anything worth living for again.